I am finding myself to be quite unsatisfied with my current life. I long for a simpler, quieter, slower time - one that reflects a much earlier time.
It calls to my soul, I can feel the unhappiness in my being.
But, where to start?
The life I find myself drawn to, doesn't exist here in Australia as far as I can find.
So I would be flying blind, as they say.
Everything would be untried, I would have no one to ask advice of or bounce ideas off. No-one to help lead the way.
I suppose that doesn't scare me as much as my personal limitations do.
The life I crave, is one of hard manual labour. A life that, quite honestly, fills me with fear, fear of the pain it will cause because I am not physically capable of that. Maybe 15yrs ago when I was merely a child, but not now.
So, where do I find myself now?
Praying to God, asking him why I have these desires and needs, but lack the ability to live it. Where is it He is wanting me to go. What are His plans for me.
But mainly praying for strength - strength to find pleasure and contentment in my life, strength to find the parts I can change, strength to do what I know is right for our family.